11 May 2010

Cute Horoscopes

The first thing I notice as I glance down my list of Sagittarians is that they all have an amazing ability to care for others. I've been to about a hundred doctors in my frail little life and about fifty of them have been Sagittarians! These people just love being helpful.

Many Sagittarians are bachelors. I know quite a number of Sagittarian subjects who never got married or else got married once and after three days ran off and never tried it again. The Sagittarian is an independent human being who seeks adventure even in the banal. Seeing the same face every day in the same surroundings doing and saying the same things is not the Sagittarian's idea of paradise. Rather, he or she could be content with a roof, a dog, plenty to eat (but nothing too exorbitantly expensive), a good position in the world and lots of dear friends around him to accept all his moral and material handouts.

Sagittarians are often planning or returning from a trip. They are drawn to travel and motion, always seeking to grow their knowledge of unusual cultures and exciting new places. Those group holidays where people tap on rocks in the Sahara or clamber over miles of rugged terrain to locate a lost shrine are loaded with curious Sagittarians. As a result, Sagittarians prosper in jobs that permit mobility and allow them to meet new people. They function best in relationships which leave them lots of leeway to come and go as they please. They are happiest when learning and growing and are repelled by sameness and routine.

Sagittarian women are particularly success-oriented. They like to run things, their way, and are not usually squeamish about how many dead bodies they have lo walk over in the process.

Need some advice on a dicey sublet or a special color of typewriter ribbon made only in the Philippines? Ask a Sagittarian. They will bounce right out and find you exactly what you want. Then, proudly and with almost childlike enthusiasm, old Sag will ring you up to ask, "How many of those ochre typewriter ribbons did you want?" You ask for it. He's got it. Sagittarius notices everything, pays close attention to details and remembers everybody's birthday. If not by heart, then jotted down in a little date book specially kept for this purpose.

My Sagittarius sister-in-law, Nicole, not only remembers everybody's birthday, but she knows how many times you have bought this certain kind of perfume since last June and whether or not you are the kind of person who likes Breton oysters. It's not that Nicole's memory is so fantastic, although she's very clever. It's that she really, really cares. "Oh..." she'll say after I haven't seen her for ten months and she visits me in Paris. "You cut your hair and had it pushed back over the ears. You lost a pound and you moved the couch. I think you look terrific. How did you ever get that makeup to be so smooth?" When Sagittarius women love somebody, they are not afraid to show it.

Sometimes, because they are very direct, Sagittarians tend to blurt out remarks that might have been better left unsaid. "You had your eyes done!" cried a Sagittarian friend when I met him at Orly Airport. I nearly fainted. Worse, I hadn't had my eyes done at all. He was so embarrassed, poor thing. He meant well. He meant to say, "You look terrific," the way my discreet sister-in-law has learned to. But instead, he mentioned my eyes, which 1 always think have giant bags under them and are better not discussed.

Even so, Sagittarian people have an outstanding ability to cheer one up. If I am ever sad or feeling sorry for myself, I call up my Sagittarian friends. They love to chat and will always have a funny story to tell, a nice cup of hot tea prepared for you or a bottle of your favorite rose on ice. You can tell your Sagittarian friend anything you are feeling and he won't be shocked. The Sagittarian is the soul of comprehension and exudes good will. Find yourself one for a friend. You won't regret it.

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